"Sweatin' like a Whore in Church"

It has been soooooo hot lately. The thermometer showed 105 degrees today and when you combine that with my hot flashes, get outta my way!! I am visiting my daughter, son-in-law, and my two precious and very active grandsons (and their schnoodle). For those of you who do not know what that is, it's a dog that is part schnauzer and part poodle. Speaking of hot flashes, when my little grandsons get really hot, they say, "wow, I'm having a hot flash". When I laugh, they look at me like why is she laughing about that.

It all started when I stepped outside their front door barefoot to take a call on my cell phone. After a few minutes, I saw Max (the schnoodle) run right by me. I called out to him as he ran past and I realized he was not on his leash. When I looked back I saw the two year old standing in the doorway with a big grin on his face and I heard him say, "Oh dare you are K K." (that's my grandmother name)

Max continued to run down the street as I chased him with the little guy running behind me in a diaper and barefoot, as well. When we were about three or four houses away I tried to keep an eye on Max while I sent the two year old back to the house for help. When I saw the little guy heading for the front door and just before Max got out of sight, I took off again after him.

Each time I called Max he stopped to look at me then ran faster in the other direction. (I don't know which one of the boys minds worse.) Pretty soon I was two streets over when I looked back and saw the entire family running down the street towards me. I am not sure if the two year old actually told them or if they just started to miss the dog and me. Thank goodness the five year old thought to bring treats to persuade Max to come to us so we could grab him.

As we were walking back home I realized how bad the road was hurting my feet and exactly how hot it was. I was drenched in sweat and something I have heard many times, growing up in the south, popped into my head. "I'm sweatin' like a whore in church!"

After we rescued the dog and returned to the house, I began to think of some other saying I have heard over the years mostly from my grandparents or other relatives. While jotting them down, I cracked myself up. Hope they get a chuckle out of you, too.

When referring to someone that isn't all that intelligent:

"He's so dumb he could throw himself on the ground and miss"

"He's crazier than a sprayed roach"

"His family tree ain't got no branches on it"

"He ain't got both oars in the water"

"His porch light is on but he ain't home"

"The engine's runnin' but nobody's drivin'"

When someone is challenged in the looks department:

"He's got summer teeth - some are here and some are there"

"He looks like his face caught fire and someone put it out with a pitchfork"

"He's so skinny he has to run around in the shower to get wet"

"Are her legs that skinny or is she ridin' a chicken"

"If she sticks out her tongue and turns sideways she'll look like a zipper"

"That baby was so ugly the doctor spanked the mama"

"His teeth are so buck he could eat corn through a picket fence"

"He is so ugly his mama had to tie a bone around his neck so the dog would play with him"

If somebody is busy:

"He's is busier than a one legged man at a butt kickin' contest"

"He's busier than a set of jumper cables at a redneck picnic"

When I catch my breath I'll share a few more. HeHeHeHeHeHeHe.

"We were so poor we used to go down to KFC to lick other people's fingers"

"She is so tall if she fell down she'd be halfway home"

"He's about as handy as a back pocket on a shirt"

"Son if it's got tits or tires you're gonna have trouble with it"

Well, now that I've made myself "smile like a mule eatin' briars" and got myself in the air conditioning, I feel right good. No Sweat!!

Ter-reck-ly,

Kathy